No master plumber, but still learning

I’m not a home repair guy.
My youngest brother said I remind him of Tim Allen, of Tim “The Toolman” Taylor  in my mannerisms, but I can’t fix things.
Normally.
But Friday afternoon I stepped into a whole new world of dude-dom.
I was cleaning Frankie's and Jonnie’s cage in the kitchen and, when I went to hit the disposal switch after cleaning out the sink, it just buzzed and tripped the little red breaker on the bottom of the unit.
I got out the handy-dandy hex wrench I keep under the sink to manually turn the thing and get it going again, but alas, no bueno. I reset the breaker and then tried to turn the unit manually, but it was very tight. This had been happening for a few months now, but this was different.
I got a call from my brother during the chaos and he said he was coming down to mow the lawn with his wife and Uncle Bill. Bill is everyone’s favorite uncle and a really good golfer for 81. I enjoy hanging with him when he’s up from Florida. We enjoy the same things and I like to talk history and explore his military background.
He was what he calls a "beach jumper" in the Navy and did some pretty heavy stuff during Vietnam. He must have had some skills and a blessing from above because he made it home and had a nice career in medical computer programming.
Anyway, I had been renovating the downstairs bathroom and my sister-in-law has a very special set of skills. She can paint a line without needing tape. Give her a Purdy brush and she does the detail work while we broad stroke everything else.
So when they arrived, I had made what was becoming a regular trip to Kempker's for stuff. I love that place. It smells so good and Chuck and Dawn have never forgotten what I believe is the lost of art of true customer service. I must have had three people ask me if I found everything I need.
I walk in and look for Tracy, she knows everything. I should pay her a consulting fee.
Anyway, I was getting some extra paint brushes and taping tools, and thought to myself “Screw it. Just get the new disposal." I was directed quickly to aisle 15 and picked up a ½ HP Master Plumber unit. The brand Master Plumber intimidates me. It makes me think that I’m not worthy.
But not on this day, baby.
I asked Tracy if there was a unit I could just plug in and she smiled and said, “Well, it doesn’t have a plug, but you rewire it with the plug you have.”
WHOMP.
Plumbing AAAAANNNND ELECTRIC!?!!?!?
Images of Tim “The Toolman” getting electrocuted with Al Boreland laughing and that neighbor guy looking over the fence danced in the bubble space above my head.
But I bought the piece and brought it home. Sat on the kitchen floor after pulling everything you could possibly imagine being under a kitchen sink out and setting them in a pile on the floor next to me - Cascade, Liquid Gold, ammonia, sponges, spot cleaner, sink plunger, orange Goo Gone cleaner, pipe gunk, an old sink sprayer that I replaced and thought it would be a good idea to hang onto, Jimmy Hoffa, et. al.
I put on a YouTube video on how to change a garbage disposal without changing the whole sink basket.
I worked through the steps, setting up a drain pan, and then methodically working to plug it, disconnect the PVC drain pipes and inlet hoses, pry off the old unit, and then disconnect the plug from the unit and rewire it to the new one. I even remembered to run the plug through the short piece of conduit that holds the plug in place. Typically, that’s something I forget and have to redo.
I reset the new unit on the flange, reattached the inlet hose from the dishwasher, reattached the PVC piping and then laid a towel on the floor of the cabinet to make sure there was no leaking. Booyah! I flipped the switch and it hummed to life.
Master Plumber.
If I can figure out the combination of letters it would take to make that Tim "The Toolman" Taylor sound he does, I'd insert that here.
I put the tools back in the toolbox, and reorganized the chaos that exists under the kitchen sink.
I went into the bathroom and there was Susan making strides with the Dry Herb green and Pinto brown paint that I had chosen for the highlight colors of the room.
At one point, John, Susan, Uncle Bill, Susan’s sister, and myself were all in the bathroom either talking, painting, or admiring the work.
It was an unrequested assist from some really good people, and a rare glimpse of the patience that home improvement requires.
That patience is a new part of me. The impatience reared its ugly head as I tried to remove four four-inch machine screws that someone used to anchor a shelf into the 150-year old plaster walls in this Italian Anglo home that I bought from Fred and Kitty Winke about 23 years ago.
My wife and I raised our kids here. Now it’s just me, my new disposal, and this newfound patience thing. The memories are palpable. When Taylor comes home for visits, her favorite thing do is to sit on the floor with a blanket and binge watch TV while eating leftovers and Graeter’s ice cream.
She doesn’t know, or doesn’t admit to me to knowing, that most of the time I’m just watching her.
Patiently - but that’s Beside the Point.
Chuck Vandenberg is editor and co-owner of Pen City Current and can be reached at Charles.V@PenCityCurrent.com.